I wish...

I wish I could face up to the fact that even though I am capable of being academically successful, I'd really rather travel the world painting. I wish I didn't feel that losing weight is the most important thing in the world. I wish that I could stop living in denial and admit that I do love, I'm just scared to admit it for fear of being hurt. I wish I didn't always need the last word and the upper hand. I wish I could speak Spanish. I wish I had a Hollywood smile and a button nose. I wish that I didn't have to be blonde to get attention from boys. I wish I could punch people that I had a problem with. I wish I could ride a motorbike. I wish I had tattoos. I wish I knew whether I loved or hated my Dad. I wish I was more open with people. I wish I was really as enigmatic as people think I am - when I'm being quiet, it isn't because I'm cool, it's because I don't know what to say. I wish I didn't let my past affect me. I wish I wanted kids. I wish I could go to Nigeria and help all the children accused of being witches find loving homes. I wish I had a secure future. I wish I won't die alone.

Most of all, I wish I wasn't scared of myself.