This isn't entirely what's happened as of late, although I have stopped writing in my journal so I have no idea what I've actually been doing for the past few months. I've just lost interest in ranting about things for the time being. I'm sure at somepoint I'll feel the familiar urge to set the world straight on some issue that I've seen on the news or in a documentary but as for now all my creative energy has been channelled into fiction.
I wrote a post not long ago about how we studied flash fiction at university, and since the seminar in which we covered it, I've been fascinated by it. I entered two pieces into a competition (but if I win I'll receive a Kindle, which I really don't wish to have) and I've been spending a lot of time doing spider diagrams full of ideas for protagonists, plots, settings etc.
My main focus has been on that of the protagonist. You see, if I'm ever a novelist, a poet or short story writer, I don't want to be portraying the emotions of your average human being. I want to be the drug addict, the religious fundamentalist, the prostitute, the murderer, the adultress, the schizophrenic. All the voices that nobody ever listens to. I want to make them heard and write fiction, not to much centred around a watertight plot but more about the psyche of a person whom people may find unusual or disturbing.
So that's where my writing has been! I've not given up, I just tuned into creativity more than argumentativeness, which can never be a bad thing!
Of course, I have been busy as well, which is more the reason for not writing so much. My life at the minute seems to be getting better and better, and I only see it changing in positive ways. I might as well give you an update!
At the end of 2011, I was tired. I'd spent the year struggling to get rid of anxiety and depression, I'd found a new life in Christianity, I'd aced my A levels and got into university, got rid of all the people in my life that were no good for me and started to rebuild my relationship with my father. It had been quite a dramatic year to say the least! However, in 2011, I laid the foundations for 2012. All I needed to do in the year 2012 was build a new life in replace of the old one and enjoy my new found freedom, both the freedom in my head (it's tiring being crazy!) and the physical freedom that I gained from leaving home and moving to Salford to live with 12 complete strangers.
I think I can safely say I've done it :)
My relationship with my parents is better than ever before. I go home about once a week to catch up with my parents and my mum is literally the best friend I could ever ask for, I tell her everything. I made up with my friend Heather after a fall out that we had over summer, and since then we've managed to keep in regular contact, even if seeing her just involves a black coffee in bed. I've found an amazing best friend in my flatmate Becky, who I literally do everything with. We do our assignments together, lie in bed watching The L Word and Made in Chelsea together, we go to the gym together, we eat together, we get drunk together, we stress out about things that don't matter together...the list is endless and I honestly don't know where I'd be if I hadn't met her, she's been a star (L).
My flatmates are absolutely amazing. It feels odd saying this now because I haven't actually seen any of them properly in a couple of weeks due to the fact that they've all started obsessively playing on the Xbox in the kitchen, but when I begin to think of the memories we've already made I can't help but feel all warm and fuzzy inside: the games of Ring of Fire that own everybody else's drinking games, learning to play Irish Snap, having poker nights and pizza nights, watching films with Matt and whoever else would decide to join us on a given night, going to see stand up comedy in Manchester together, not to mention our amazing Christmas dinner where we all dressed up to the nines and exchanged Secret Santa presents. I wouldn't change a single one of them.
Then there are the other friends I've made, including the two Liam's and Becca who I'm going away with this summer, as well as all the old friends that I've kept in touch with since coming to university. There's been the recent Japanese and Chinese food dates with Ieuan, many a cup of coffee with Jake and so many Starbucks dates and nights out with Paige.
Aaaand then there's Alex. Everybody that knows me will know that I'm absolutely smitten with him, so much so that I'm actually announcing it on the internet (which is cringe but it needs to be said). After our first date, when I expected to get home at around 9pm and instead we chatted until 4, I knew he was a keeper. We can talk about absolutely everything, we have the same interests, same personality traits, we're both half of a whole. Of course it helps that he treats me like an absolute princess. I can honestly say that I didn't know that it was possible to feel like this and I know that there are big things coming our way, it's amazing.
What else is there to say? I've got more than enough friends that I know would help me if something was wrong and that I know will stick around for life and even more friends that I can go out and have the best nights out in town with. It's perfect. I have a gorgeous boyfriend who I can spend every second with and still miss the second he leaves, my course is getting more and more interesting, my family life has never been better, I've got a beautiful town house with my name on it waiting for me to move in and start decorating (and getting drunk in) on the 1st of July, I've just booked a three week holiday in Spain with my friend Becca and I'm trying to plan a break in Italy with my boyfriend, everything is perfect.
Next year I'm going to be studying psychoanalysis and creative non-fiction in depth (if all goes to plan), we'll have a whole new set of neighbours to get to know, and new societies to join and my hair will have continued to grow so that it looks even more magnificent than it does right now.
I am one happy bunny.
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