A big part of it is that a few months ago me and a couple of my close friends made some choices that were good at the time but quickly turned bad and we couldn't even see how it was ruining everything until we all went back on those choices.
I'm not going to go into detail but those choices not only nearly cost us our other friends but also, in one case, our family. In the end we didn't even feel good anymore which defeated the whole point of making the choice anyway because what's the point if something doesn't even make you feel good? I didn't even realise how unhappy I was till I stopped and we all stopped and now the smallest things can make me happy and I'm not constantly thinking of how everything's shit or how disconnected I feel, I'm just thinking that I don't regret what we did because now we're all okay and despite all this, I've had some of the best nights of my life this year, but I DO know that I am probably never gonna go back there. It's a part of the past that will stay in the past.
One thing I DO regret is telling others how it was the best thing in the world because unless you've got in too deep, it IS the best thing in the world and it's going to take that for them to realise and I really don't want other people to have to pay the price for our bad judgement.
Everything will be okay, hopefully. X
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