i dont know

i dont know anything, i dont know what i want or need who i need who i dont need and how i need them i dont know how im supposed to feel or what is the right thing for me to be doing, everything is so different now and maybe putting a full stop on things is the right answer because then time can begin to heal, maybe trying is prolonging the pain. or maybe trying is whats needed because this is too much to throw away

i wish i could be simple and ask myself "am i happy" and answer no and leave but its not as simple as being happy is it

or is it

what if both of us met someone else tomorrow who made us happy and we didnt love them and werent best friends with them but they made us happy would that be better than this? or is it better to be unhappy but stick with what you know because its a part of you and you cant take out a part of you

i have never felt like this, this isnt about choosing what will make me happy its about choosing what will make me less sad and all i want is to fall in love and have no cares in the world

for so long ive felt shit for no reason and been used to it been used to just accepting feeling shit and not being able to do anything about it but now i feel shit for a real reason and i dont know how to deal with that, i cant go back to my old ways and block it out and do horrible things to my body and my head and to other people but it just hurts too much to feel that those horrible things help