Black Magic

Sometimes I wish that I could turn my brain down in the way that you can turn down the volume of the radio, or that I could switch to a different train of thought upon growing bored with the current one, like changing channels on the television. I don't know why my brain sometimes decides at 4am that it suddenly has urgent problems to solve when it hasn't been worried about them all day or why it puts horrible thoughts into my head that breed like  vermin. It's almost as if they aren't my thoughts anymore  and that it's my brain talking to me instead of me talking to it.
Velocity, like you're driving a car that keeps getting faster and faster and the more you try to control the speed, the faster it gets and the road becomes more hazardous by the second with obstacles appearing out of nowhere and sharp corners when you least expect them. Anxiety breeds anxiety and doubt breeds doubt.
Last night, in the midst of worrying about every single area of my life, every hypothetical situation that could ever arise and how I would deal with it etc., my brain interrupted me with a whisper, one that I didn't want to hear but had to nonetheless: "Dani", it said, "What if there's a ghost or a demon in your room right now?". Thank you Brain, I remember thinking. Thank you for that unnecessary thought that's not going to leave me alone all night. You see, when you're in a pitch dark room huddled under the covers in case there's evil incarnate waiting to pounce on you, reaching your arm out of the duvet to turn the lamp on becomes the most hideously difficult task you've ever known.
I lay under my covers slowly running out of air and becoming hotter and hotter, all the while convincing myself that my house was the most haunted and dangerous place in Britain and that I wasn't going to make it through the night without unspeakable things being done to me in my sleep. Or what if aliens were about to abduct me, what if that was the reason for my unease? Well that was it then. I lay awake right up until the sun came up and do you know what? Nothing bloody happened, it was all for nothing. Damn aliens.