Wednesday, 12 October 2011

My brain is fried

I really want to start posting interesting blogs again. As you may have noticed, since I've been at uni, I have not posted a single entry that is actually worthy of being read and that's because my brain is well and truly fried. In the first couple of weeks, everything was crazy. Not only did I leave home and move into my own flat but I then moved out of that and into another one within a week. While all this was going on, it was also Freshers' and induction week so by day I was stressing out about enrolling and God knows what else, before coming home, forcing some soup down my neck, finding a dress that wasn't too creased to throw on and going out again for the night.
I told myself, naively, that when Freshers had ended and my course had begun I'd have more time to blog and write in my diary but to no avail. It is the third (?!) week of lectures now and my brain is slowly fading away to the point where I am that mentally exhausted that I don't even have the energy to formulate an opinion about something, never mind the time or motivation to actually write it down.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my course. I have never seen English as being a chore and so when I get told that for my homework I have to write poems or read a book as good as Evelina, it doesn't bother me. I don't mind the lectures either, being that I'm actually interested in how sonnets are formed and the best way to read a novel.
As for the social side of uni life, I absolutely love it. One of my flatmates, Becky, is bloody brilliant and I've made loads of friends from my course/around where I live, PLUS my best friend Connor is my next door neighbour so I am doing something literally every single night, whether it's live comedy at Bar Yours, nights out at the weekend, sitting in Connor's kitchen watching his flat mates play pranks on each other or just watching Made in Chelsea in bed with Becky, there is always something. As for the days, they're literally full too, reading with Ryan and Becky or sitting in Bar Yours eating curly fries.
Of course, none of this is a problem.
But I miss myself. I've not been alone properly with myself in weeks. Not read a book of my own choice, not written any of my own poetry in my diary, not had time to think about my future and my huge plans for it, not time to research the things I'm interested in online, nothing. And it's draining! I'm having the best time of my life but I do feel as if I've left myself behind a little bit in all the chaos. I just hope that I don't lose myself forever as there's so much more to me than alcohol and sitting in other people's kitchens passing the time and I don't want to end up being one of those two-dimensional humans that everybody talks to but nobody really wants to.

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