Black Magic

Been watching lots of documentaries about the Amish community in America and the way that they live their lives and I've become so interested in them. A year ago I couldn't look past just how religious they were. To me, devoting every single aspect of your life to your religion was crazy and I couldn't even begin to try and relate with them as people or see the good in their lives because I almost regarded their religion as some kind of cult.
And do you know what, I guess it is, in a way. Everybody in the Amish community has to abide by Amish law or they are ostracised, and abiding by Amish law can't be easy!
HOWEVER, recently I've really started seeing not only how their lifestyle could be beneficial but also that it IS, because the thing that really struck me while watching the documentaries is just how happy and at peace these people are. They don't judge, they don't worry about things, they don't argue with one another, nobody gets bullied or made to feel inadequate: everybody is loved and valued in the community and as a result, the community is like a family where everybody is looked after and cherished. Also, Amish people live simply. They don't have mobile phones, iPods, Facebook, Twitter, televisions, even radios! They get their entertainment through spending time together as a family, reading, sewing and talking to God. And it really works wonders for them.
I was thinking about how, in a world so isolated from the rest of the world, these people seem to be so much more secure than us when we have hundreds of friends available at the click of a mouse. And let's face it, Britain couldn't live without Facebook! How else would we see the photos from Friday's night out, or tell people boring things about ourselves in a Facebook quiz, or know what everybody is doing every second of the day because we can't help but see their constant status updates? How else would we stalk our exes, or show off pictures off the person we're sleeping with, or laugh at people who we don't even know? How would we cope?!?!?!
I kind of hate Facebook. Last year, I went through a phase where I never really went on it much and as a result of that, I was a damn sight happier! I read loads of books, watched documentaries about things I was interested in and wrote in my diary every single night. I spent a lot of time with my mum when I'd otherwise be all cooped up in the computer room and I ended up having long phone conversations with my best friends, properly catching up instead of the odd wall-post every so often.
I also had a lot of time to really think about things. About who I am and the things that I enjoy, about my dreams for the future and what I want out of life to the bigger questions such as, does God exist? And if so, what could He do for me?
It actually made me so at peace with myself because I was focusing on ME and the things that I enjoy, instead of mindlessly clicking on profile's of people I don't even care about like a zombie, waiting for a notification that will entertain me for less than a second. Only now that's all changed of course.
Now I live with 11 people (12 including Gaz) and I never have a moment to myself because I'm either in the kitchen or at the pub with everyone, spending time with my boyfriend in his room or, yep, you guessed it, going on Facebook. It's because I've never had a laptop so I've never been able to actually lie in bed while being on the internet. It's a novelty thing I guess. Either way, it's all getting too much and I feel like I haven't relaxed in about a year. Because even when I'm alone, I'm still talking to people constantly. It's bad for the soul, seriously!
Last night I turned off the computer and read a book, one that I actually enjoy instead of the books I have to read for my degree, and it was SO GOOD.
All the anxiety that has been building up recently just disappeared and I realised that I'd been missing out on me-time.
So no, I'm not about to go Amish any time soon but I am going to spend more time reading and actually remembering that yes, I AM religious, and less time turning myself into a robot slowly. Because seriously, if I don't chill out socialising soon I may explode. I can feel myself withdrawing from it all and it isn't nice so I'd best sort myself out before I get sad.