Tightrope walking.

Writing has seemed so far away lately. I'm not sure why. Usually I stop writing when I get really low because it becomes uncomfortable addressing my feelings but I've been feeling the complete opposite of late so I'm really not sure why the sudden reluctance to write. I've not even written in my diary which is strange for me as I'm usually scribbling something down, even if it's just a poem I've read or lyric that made me smile.
I think it's because everything seems so fragile. For the first time ever, there is nothing that I would change in my life and I really do think that I am content which is a feeling I'm not familiar with. I recently made up with my old best friend after not speaking for months and so far our friendship is getting better and better, I've got a lovely boyfriend who goes out of his way to make me happy every single minute of the day and there are millions of little things that make me happy, whether it be sharing sex tips with Becky while bitching about the cast of Made in Chelsea, sitting in the kitchen with my flatmates every night or just going home every Sunday for a hot meal and a catch up with my mum, everything's perfect.

And that's what scares me.

I have lost so much recently and don't get me wrong, I'm glad with the way everything's turned out - sometimes you really do receive blessings in disguise - but it's still become clear to me that nothing is permanent. Friendships are not and love is not. Not just romantic love but any kind of love. Anything can happen to rock the boat and one minute you couldn't imagine your life without a certain someone or group of people and the next they're gone forever and you learn to adjust and replace them with other people who will inevitably stick around for a while and then you'll fall out or LIFE will happen to you both and things will change.
I know that if anything were to happen I'd be okay. I'm stronger and more stable than I've ever been and I've began seeing the world in a colder light than I used to but that's not the point! Yes, I'd get over a change but I don't want to have to. I want things to stay like this. Change is exciting but I want some peace for once, this past year has been too crazy and I need time to settle.

On Saturday night I went to a bonfire with my boyfriend. We had a nightmare getting there due to the mets breaking down and getting back was also horrendous as we waited in the freezing cold for over an hour for a bus and almost died but the hours in between were magical. We ate greasy burgers, ruined our shoes, missed most of the bonfire and had the dizziest waltzer ride of all time: it was perfect :}x

Book-wise, I've just finished reading Silas Marner by George Eliot and it was beautiful. I started Dubliners by James Joyce yesterday morning and so far it's looking even better. There are so many books I need to read, there are not enough hours in the day. I really want to start The Holy Blood and The Holy Grail but can't just yet. This is upsetting.