Relationships

Disclaimer: before you start reading, you should probably be warned that this really isn't the best written blog I've ever done. There are no studies or statistics and there isn't even a coherent argument really. It's just my musings over the space of about ten minutes. Nothing more.

What is normal? What is right? And more importantly, is there one rule for the 'correct' relationship? This isn't going to be the longest or most interesting blog ever because I'm only posing a question rather than trying to answer it.

When I'm in a relationship, I'm completely loyal to that person and don't look at anybody else. If I wanted anybody else I wouldn't be in a relationship. I don't fantasize about other people, don't flirt with other people, nothing. It's not because I'm a particularly moral person...as my best friend said to me the other night "I'm never scared of my actions hurting people...I'm only scared of getting caught", which, if we're not lying to ourselves, is the primary reason we curb our behaviour in certain respects...I don't look at more than one person when I'm in a relationship purely because I only get into relationships (apart from a couple of blips) if I'm head over heels for that person, and so even if I wanted to fantasize about somebody else, I wouldn't be able to because I'd be that infatuated with my partner.

However. That isn't to say the same rules apply when I'm single. When I'm single, as with everybody, I think I'm always subconsciously on the lookout, and I don't want to say 'for a mate' but I guess that's essentially what it is. We're always looking for potential people to mate with in order to reproduce and keep humanity going (if you believe in biology and not some warped world view that doesn't advocate this), and so I believe that this is the reason that when I'm in a relationship, I don't notice other people, and when I'm single I find myself assessing everybody that walks past to see whether or not they are good looking.

But is that normal? In our society, where the nuclear family is the norm, it seems so. We spend our lives looking for that ONE person, with whom to build ONE family and unite in ONE marriage, never divorcing if we can help it. Anything 'other' such as single parent families or gay families, are frowned upon by the government, and as much as they might try to hide that fact with smoke and mirrors, it remains a fact. A marriage between a man and woman that later produces 2.5 children is considered the ideal and the norm.
Why?

It's hardly for religious reasons. Most people will argue that it is because we live in a Christian country so adhere to Christian traditions but the bible hardly advocates marriage. The bible says to only marry if you're otherwise going to spend your entire life burning with lust that you can't seem to quell and the most religious of society actually take vows of celibacy so Christianity can hardly be the reason!

I don't know.

All I know is that in some religions and societies, polygamy is the norm and in days gone by, young girls that haven't even hit age 12 have been forced to marry much older men. In some societies, homosexuality has been the norm, and in some, people never marry but live promiscuously, allowing the entire village to bring up any children rather than just a man and wife. In today's modern, Western society, we can see people struggling to stick to the conventions of what is 'proper', and in my unprofessional, immature opinion, that must mean that it is not 'natural', otherwise we'd be doing it without being told to!

Take my own views on love and relationships. (I say 'mine' but one must question just how much of them really are my own and not just societies' views.) I believe that there is nothing wrong with teenagers dating and doing whatever they want. Whether that be having threesomes, not having sex at all, sleeping with members of the same sex, the opposite sex, or both at the same time, using toys, having orgies, whatever. If you're young and single I do not see a problem with any of it and before you all start thinking you know all there is to know about my sex life, I'm not saying I do any of the above. I'm merely stating that at my own age, if my peers want to have sex with everybody they meet, I would hold no judgement. Fuck, when my friends have one night stands I'm so proud! Haha.

However, I also believe that ultimately there is somebody for everybody and that we all have a 'soulmate' out there who we are supposed to meet, fall in love with, marry and raise a family with. I tell myself that this is 'right' and 'natural' and that there is no other alternative that I would be happy with. I believe that one day, maybe in ten years or maybe tomorrow, I will meet this person and live happily ever after with them. The logical part of me is aware of the flaws in my argument. I'm well aware that my ideals MAY have something to do with the fact that I was raised in a nuclear family, was read fairy tales and watched Disney movies. I know that statistically, the odds for my dream coming true aren't great but I still hold this view. Why? Because I've been conditioned! Like it or not, we're all conditioned into believing that straight after we graduate we are supposed to settle down and live happily ever after with Mr or Mrs Right.

It's ridiculous. It's not biological, it's the way we are socialised, and I for one would love to know what 'God' or 'biology' or whatever, actually intended us to do with regards to sex and love, if anything.