And now I'm going to try and start afresh. The things that have happened to me have left me fragile, pure and raw. I am 100% genuine and that may seem like a good thing but it isn't my defenses are down and because of how insecure I've become I get upset so easily and to be told again and again "stop crying, you're impossible, shut the fuck up" makes the whole thing worse so I've been left with no other choice than to try and go back to the old me, the me that put up walls and defenses, the me that was confident and charming, the me that could walk into a bar and feel like I own the world rather than sit with my shoulders hunched and feeling invisible and inadequate.
I don't even care who knows what anymore, I'm sick of trying to hold it all together and being put down when I fail, sick sick sick. From now on I am going to do what I always used to and not take pointless shit from people, which includes sitting there getting upset when I get spoken to like dirt. After the year I've had I don't deserve it and it's not happening anymore. I've done enough to ruin my own confidence without letting anyone else ruin it for me. The old me is back.
I don't even care that people will see this and know how shit and insecure I am, I really don't fucking care, I hope someone does see it as I could really do with a huge coffee and chat with someone about everything and just rant and rant and then they'd know and it wouldn't be such a huge skeleton in my closet anymore
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